I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize
