farters have to be the big spoon...
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
