I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
false alarm. still invincible.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
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