Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
