I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
