Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
