She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
