hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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