Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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