two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
