Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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