i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
