I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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