well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
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