can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
