you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
