strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
NoShamevember. You game?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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