So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
