i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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