i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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