she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
