ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
