she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
