look no pants
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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