One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
