Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
