I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
