did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
