1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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