Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
