There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
