Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
