I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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