But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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