So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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