Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
