Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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