wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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