She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
