two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
My bed smells like the plague
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
