Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
They are going to name an STD after you.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
how drunk are you?
Several
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
