You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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