I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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