Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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