ya dads aren't the best wingmen
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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