my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
