he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
