He uses pillows to masturbate.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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