Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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