My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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