god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
