Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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