I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Randomize
