pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
