Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I deserve this hangover.
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