I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Randomize
