burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
