See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
