My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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