Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
