Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
