Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
