Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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