it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
