My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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