NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
