he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
i think i have herpe
just one?
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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